Soulmate
by ElmOak1991
Summary: Inspired by a prompt: In a past life, Dean and Cas struggled to be together in a time when loving the same sex was just not done. In this life, both dream of each other, but have no idea why. Both are famous artist, and when they decide to paint/draw the man in their dreams, they discover that the man in their dreams are more real than they could have ever hoped.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

… **.**

 **Chapter One**

…

 **Past**

"Hey!" Mary Winchester said to Sara Novak, as the two old friends embraced. They had grown up together here in this small town, and were both devastated when Jimmy Novak's work took them to the Carolina coast four years prior. That, and Sara's family had settled there as well, and Sara wanted to be close to her dying mother.

"I'm so glad we're back!" Sara said, as she beamed. "And look at you!" she said, with the same enthusiasm, as she looked at Dean, who pulled off his hat. "My, have you grown!" She pulled Dean into a tight hug, and he really wished she hadn't. It felt weird to have someone he didn't really know hug him.

"Cas, you remember Dean, right?" Sara went on. "You two where what? Ten? My goodness, just babes." Her highbrow accent wrapped around her words as she spoke.

"I believe so," Mary replied.

"I remember him," Cas replied, his accent just like his mothers. He remembered him very well. He had shared his first kiss with Dean, though he wasn't sure if Dean had memory of this, and he sure as hell wasn't going to bring it up.

The woman looked at Dean now, who nodded. "Me too," he said, hating the attention. Dean eyed Cas, wondering if he remembers how they left things. They had kiss, and more than once. He hadn't given it a lot of thought, but now, with Cas standing in front of him, with his messy hair, and heavenly blue eyes, he couldn't stop thinking about the first time the snuck into the barn, because they wanted to practice kissing.

"Oh , Sara, you have to come over for tea as soon as you guys get settled. I'm so happy you have moved back…" Cas stopped listening to Mary, as she invited his mother for tea. He was trying to look at Dean without it being obvious. Dean was still beautiful. Cas had always thought so. His eyes were still that beautiful shade of green, but his hair had darkened some. He was tall, lean, and Cas was sure there was muscle being hidden by the clothes Dean wore.

"It's settled then, you, Jimmy, and Cas will join us for supper," Mary said. The women embraced happily, as Dean and Cas looked at each other. They both nodded to one another before following their mothers in the opposite directions.

* * *

 **Present**

 **Dean**

Dean stood, looking at his latest painting, with a sigh he put down his paintbrush, and shook his head. He had planned on painting a new piece, but instead he ended up painting an eye. An eye he had painted so many times before. The beautiful shade of blue stared at him, making his stomach ache. He rubbed the back of his neck as that feeling settled in his chest. It was a feeling of longing, and he could never understand it. How could he long for someone he's never seen before?

His phone vibrated on the coffee table, then gave out a little chime. Without looking he knew it was Joey. They were supposed to meet up for dinner, and the clock told him that six was an hour ago. Shit. He shot Joey a quick text, before jumping into the shower. Ten minutes later he was walking out the door, thinking he was lucky to be dating such an understanding man.

Well, dating may have been too strong a word. They were more like friends with benefits who liked to eat out before getting horizontal. They weren't "exclusive" though neither of them where seeing anyone else.

His mind wondered back to the blue eyed man he saw every night he closed his eyes. Along with the blue eyes, the man had messy black hair, and kissable lips. He had a smile that gave Dean butterflies, and hands that made his sex hard. Everything he knew about the man was vivid in his mind. The way the man spoke, and moved. His slender frame. His sexy hip bones that jetted out in stark relief. The color of his skin. The sound he made when he came…Okay, he needed to stay away from that thought.

The problem was he couldn't remember the name. Couldn't remember where he had seen the guy. He had no idea why this man haunted his dreams. He didn't mind dreaming about the man, he was sexy as hell. What he minded was the feelings the dreams always left behind. Sometimes he would wake up, and it would be hard to breathe. It was like he was suffocating, but he didn't understand why. In his dreams he always felt so full of love he was surprised he didn't explode with it. But the love was always accompanied by a fear, and some nights the fear was so overwhelming he woke because he had screamed out loud. All for a man he didn't know. It was utterly ridicules.

….

 **Cas**

Cas worked slowly as he drew lips. Lips that were startlingly perfect. He held the pencil with care as he moved about the canvas, being careful not to get any pencil on his hand. Nothing sucked more than getting a pencil smudge on the canvas because you had it all over your hand.

Cas took a step back, getting a gander at his work from a distance. It always helped to take a step back when you've been at something for a while. So far, so good. He smiled at his work. Or maybe it was the lips he was drawing that made him smile. The lips the tugged ever so slightly at one corner.

A whistle came from behind him, as Gabe walked into his studio. "Hot damn," he said, nodding to the picture. "That is amazing."

Cas blushed a little as he always did. He loved when people liked his work, but even after being a professional artist for five years, he still blushed. Figured. "Thanks," he replied as he yawned. How long had he been working?

"You been at this all night?" Gabe asked, as he observed the drawing. "This really is cool, but why so much shading?" he asked. "I think the gallery is going to eat this one up."

"I dream of him," Cas replied, shaking his head. "I've dreamt of this man almost every night for years. The problem is, his features aren't very clear. I mean what I can see of him is vivid as hell, but there are just things that are not as clear. I can draw his eyes, and mouth. I draw the curve of his back, and his hands." Hell, I can tell you what the man looks like below the belt, Cas thought to himself as his body heated. "There are just some things I don't know. So there's a lot of shading in the areas that are unclear."

"Well, I love this, and so will your fans," Gabe replied. "Great job little bro," he said, as he crossed Cas' studio to the little kitchen area.

"Thanks," Cas replied, as he looked over the piece. Yeah, it really was one of his best. He had never tried drawing all the pieces of the man together before, but he liked the results.

He heard a bag crumpling from the kitchen, telling him that Gabe found the chips. Ignoring the sound he thought up an image that sometimes came to him. He was in a barn, and this man he drew had him pressed up against a wall. But not in a "I'm going to kick your ass" kind of way. It was a "I'm going to fuck you," kind of way. He could almost feel the man's hard body pressed up against his own. He could almost feel the man's hips rotating as he pressed his erection against Cas' stomach.

"What has you all red?" Gabe teased, pulling Cas from his thoughts.

"Nothing," Cas lied, as he turned, and arranged himself because his hardness was pressing uncomfortably against his zipper.

"Okay?" Gabe said, dragging out the word. "Anyway, I will leave you to it."

"Eat and run? Cas asked, though he knew that Gabe was just checking in on him. He did that every other day. He stopped in on his way from work, but never stayed long because he had a family who didn't get to see a whole lot of him.

"You know how it is little bro," Gabe said as he opened the door. He hovered there for a moment before looking at Cas over his shoulder. "I'm proud of you," he said, before leaving.

Cas smiled to himself. Yeah, him wanting to draw for a living had always made his brothers laugh, but now that he made more than all of them, they mostly ignored what he did for a living. It was good to hear that at least one of them were proud of him.

* * *

 **Past**

Dean and Cas where in the barn, Cas helping Dean with his daily chores, not that he had asked for the help. He was grateful at any rate. Dean kept glancing at Cas who always seemed to meet his gaze head on.

The one thing he badly wanted to know burned at the front of his brain. Did Cas remember? And if so, was Dean the only one of them who was dying to kiss again? He so badly wanted to place his lips on Cas'. Just to see if the flame he had felt before was still there.

Cas couldn't help but to look at Dean as they worked. Dean was shirtless under his suspenders due to the heat of the day. He had discarded it about ten minutes after they started the chores. Dean was pure perfection with his shirt on, with it off, Cas didn't even know a word to use to describe Dean's utter perfection.

They locked eyes again, and he looked away, heat touching his cheeks as he blushed. What he was feeling was disgraceful, and it tried not to think of Dean in ways he shouldn't, but as sure as the sun rise, images of Dean crept into his mind. Tormenting him.

Again they locked eyes, and this time Cas stared until Dean was the one who looked away. Cas stared at Dean, wondering if it was blush that redden Deans face, or the days heat? On impulse, Cas moved to Dean, but paused about a foot away when Dean look up at him. He felt awkward as he stood there, but no words came to the rescue. Instead he just turned, and when back to shoveling the hay.

He wished he could asked the question, but what if Dean didn't remember? He didn't want things to be awkward between them. He looked at Dean one again, and this time their stares locked, and neither of them looked away.

"You remember don't you?" Dean asked, his voice low.

Cas looked at Dean stunned, but nodded. He was sure they were talking about the same thing. He wasn't sure how he knew, but he did. "I do," Cas replied, though he figured the head nod would have worked just fine on its own.

Cas had to swallow, because the way Dean was looking at him made his sex hardened, and the sensation made him feel sinful. His heart pounded in his chest as he tried to will himself to look away, but he couldn't. He was still at a loss for words.

"How does the memory make you feel?" Dean asked in a low, deep voice. He moved closer to Cas, so that if he were to reach out, he could touch him. He knew that he was taking a chance with this. The memory was a fond one for him. He had loved the way Cas' lips felt pressed against his, but he couldn't be sure Cas felt the same way.

Cas' mind raced. He couldn't believe this was happening, and he knew Dean had asked a question, but he couldn't get his voice to work. He had to breathe a few times before the ability to talk came back. "It makes me feel-sinful," he replied with sad honesty. To love another man was just about as bad as being a devil worshiper, and here he was, admitting these feelings out loud.

Dean reached out, putting his rough hand on Cas' cheek. His thumb moved back and forth on Cas' cheek for just a moment before Dean pulled his hand away. "Me too," Dean said, a halfhearted smile pulled at one corner of his lips. Without another word, Dean turned back to the task at hand.

Cas stood where he was, momentarily stunned. Oh lord, he wanted Dean to touch him again. He closed his eyes, and unable to stop himself, he put his hand up to his cheek. Yeah, he could live forever with Dean's touch. No matter how wrong people believed it to be. Dean's touch was simply heaven.

* * *

 **Present**

"That's amazing," Sam said, looking up at the piece Dean decided to put in the gallery.

"Isn't it!" Joey added. "I love the technique, and I have to say, this guy is sexy."

Dean laughed as he sipped his whisky. "Yeah, you know, I have no idea where I've even seen him." Dean looked over the painting. It really was a great piece, he just wished he could remember all the details. There are some places where he just had to blur things because he couldn't remember. It made for a great piece though.

"Probably just in passing," Sam said, as he picked up his suit jacket from the back of the couch. "I will be there opening night, but I can't leave with you. This case is driving me nuts." Sam rolled his eyes. "I can't wait for this one to be finished with.

"That's fine, besides, nothing major will happen the day before." Dean finished his whisky. "Is Jess coming?"

"She want's too, but the doctor said it isn't really safe to fly in the third trimester of pregnancy." Sam shrugged. "You learn something new every day."

"Aw, well. It's not like you guys haven't been to one before." Dean looked at the painting, and got that knot in the pit of his stomach again. With a sigh he put down his glass.

"Mom and dad going?" Sam asked, as he pulled his jacket on.

"No, I believe they are in Paris," Dean replied, giving Sam a questioning look. "You guys aren't talking?" Sam and their dad had went through a bit of a rough patch a while back, but he had thought that it had passed.

"We're talking, I just haven't had a lot of time to call." Dean looked at him for a long moment, but decided Sam was telling the truth.

After a quick goodbye, Sam left, and Joey stood up. "Man, I'm tired," he said, stretching. He eyed Dean, sex clearly on his mind. Dean responded with a half-hearted smile. He sometimes felt bad. Like he was somehow tricking Joey. Joey smiled back, and shook his head. "Look, I know that whatever this is between us isn't going to last. You don't have to feel guilty, because you're not leading me on. I know that we are not end game. So in the meantime," Joey said, holding out his hand. "We can still have fun."

"You're too good," Dean said, pulling Joey close. "And yes, in the meantime, we can still have fun."

…..

 **Cas**

"I don't know why, but everything always looks so much cooler in a gallery!" Charlie said, giving Cas an excited hug. "Your fans are going to love this."

Cas looked over to a fellow artist, and good friend. Charlie was a bit of an eccentric artist, but it worked for her, and her art was (to steal a phrase from her) hella cool. "There is a satisfaction to it," Cas said in agreement.

Charlie looked up at Cas' art again. "Sooo," she said, teasing. "Who is the cutie in the picture?" she asked.

"I really wish I knew," Cas replied with a shrug. He ran his hand through his hair. "All I know is he's in here." Cas pointed to his head. And in his heart, but he didn't need to point that out.

"Oh, that's so sweet." Charlie said. "Anyway, I love it, and you should be overly proud of this."

"Thanks," Cas replied. He was about to go on to ask her if she wanted to grab a bit, but they were interrupted by one of the gallery owners.

…

 **Charlie**

"I'm going to go grab us coffees," Charlie said, before leaving the two. There was some mix-up with art placement, and they were trying to straighten it out. They didn't need her for that.

She got in line for the coffee, and just so happened to look over at the nearest table, and she nearly squealed out loud. Sitting at the table was a man who looked exactly like Cas' mystery man. But could it really be? Was the man another artist? If so, then Cas could have seen him at another art show, so that would make sense.

After getting her coffee she had planned on going straight back to Cas, but as she walked passed the table the guy was sitting at, she couldn't help but sit down. The man looked at her with questioning eyes. "Hi, I'm Charlie Bradbury," she said, offering him her hand. She wasn't going to tell him that Cas had been drawing him, but she planned to make sure the two figured it out. But first, she wanted to find out what kind of man this guy was.

…

 **I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

…

 **Chapter Two**

… **..**

 **Past**

Dean got in the habit of doing his morning chores early, so he could walk with Cas to town. Cas' parents insisted he be schooled. His mother had been brought up to believe that even farmers needed schooling. Castiel's father reluctantly agreed, even though he could use Cas during the day, but he would often say his boy could do anything. Dean would have to agree with that. Castiel was smart, and Dean believed the man could do just about anything.

The sun was just beginning to rise as Dean approached Cas' house. Cas was out gathering eggs for his mother. He looked over his shoulder as Dean approached, a smile spreading on his face. They had been doing this routine for two years now, and Dean justified his trip to town every morning by bringing eggs with him. He would stop at the merchant and sell the eggs for his mother, and by whatever she may need that day.

"Morning," Dean said, once he was close enough. Cas straightened, his hands full of eggs.

"Good morning," Cas replied, his smile radiant. "Mind grabbing the last two?" Cas asked, gesturing to the hen house.

"Corse," Dean replied, putting down the basket, and grabbing the eggs. He followed Cas into the house, unable to stop himself but watching Cas' backside as they went in.

"Good Morning, Dean," Sara said, pointing to the table, where there was a bowl. Dean put the two eggs in it.

"Morning, Mrs. Novak," Dean replied, giving her a smile.

"Let me grab my things," Cas said, going over to the corner where he kept his schooling supplies.

"Dean, would you kindly pick me up some flour? I'm feeling a bit under the weather," She asked, as she picked up her change pouch. "I would greatly appreciate it."

"Corse," Dean replied, Holding his hand out for the money. She gave it to him, thanking him again, then he and Cas were off.

They walked close enough so that they could occasionally touch as they walked. Cas was going on about some book he had read, and Dean was content to just listening to Cas speak. He wasn't sure exactly what the book was about. Honestly, Cas' vocabulary was a bit bigger than his own, and sometimes Cas would use words Dean didn't understand, but it never bothered him. Usually he understood enough of it to get what Cas was saying.

"It was inspirational!" Cas concluded, shaking his head ever so slightly.

Dean chuckled a little, but luckily, Cas wasn't looking for a response of the verbal kind. Cas was amazing like that.

"You know what I was thinking?" Dean said, after a few moment of silence.

"Not unless you tell me," Cas replied.

Dean looked around them to be sure it was just them walking up the road. "We can never part with the words, I love you."

Cas gave him a sideways glance, his eyes widened a little, suggesting he was surprised at Dean. "Does that bother you?" he asked.

Dean shrugged a little. "Yeah, I guess it kind of does."

Cas thought about it for a moment. "We could say something else instead. Something that could represent, I love you."

"Okay?" Dean replied, but said nothing further as he tried to think of what they could say. Nothing was coming to him, however.

"We could say, I see you," Cas suggested. "No one will question it's meaning."

Dean nodded as he smiled. "Yeah, That'll do." He bumped Cas' arm with his own in a loving way.

They turned off the road to cut through the woods. It saved Three minutes on their travel time, and gave them some privacy. Once they were hidden by the trees, Dean suddenly moved, pushing Cas up against a tree. He leaned in close, putting his lips to Cas' ear. "I will always see you," he whispered, before drawing back and placing his lips to Cas'. He closed his eyes as his chapped lips met Cas' soft ones. He wanted to stay linked like this forever, but alas, he had to pull away. Even in the shelter of the trees, eyes could find them, and that would end badly. Dean couldn't bare the idea of someone hurting Cas.

Cas groaned as Dean pulled away, but let him go. "You better always see me," Cas said, once he found his voice. He knew he was blushing, because his cheeks were hot.

Dean took a moment to touch Cas' cheek, before they set off again. "Will you always see me?" Dean asked. He lived in constant fear that Cas will realize that he was too good for Dean, and leave him in the past as he went on to bigger and better things.

Cas took Dean's hand in his own, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Forever, and always," Cas said, bring Dean's hand to his lips before letting it go.

They walked close together until they exited the woods once again. Back on the road, they fell into small talk, the intimate moments left behind in the woods. Dean walked Cas close to the school like always. Only this time, they parted with the words, "I see you," and Both turned away with secrete smiles on their faces.

* * *

 **Present**

 **Cas**

"Right here," the organizer said, directing Cas where he needed to put his piece. The guy helped him put the drawing up, and the two of them stepped back. "Okay, sorry again for the confusion," the guy said, before walking away, and talking into his caller mic.

Cas mumbled his, "It's no problem," as the guy walked away. He looked at the pieces around his. He recognized Charlie's work right away. It was hard to mistake her erratic style for someone else. Then there was one he was sure was from Balthazar A. Sebastian, and upon further expectation he was proven right. The man was a genius. Marcus Crowley was another good one, Cas mused as he walked down the wall, looking at all the art. There were a couple names he didn't recognize. He stopped in front of one that made him shake his head in disapproval. The artist that simply went by Metatron was a prick, and a half. Not to mention Cas just didn't like his work. There was something about it that irked him. Maybe it was the crude nature of it, or the fact the it usually represented unfavorable topics.

Cas stopped dead at the painting next to Metadouche's. His mouth dropping open as his eyes scanned the painting. Oh. My. God. The painting was of a man. Him to be exact. It had to be him. It was just too alike him not to be. But why? The painting was extraordinary. The technic, and use of color was just amazing. A bit shaky, Cas looked at the card that gave information about the piece. It read Dean Winchester. No, he had never heard of the guy. So why had he drawn him?

Cas just stared up at the painting, unable to take his eyes away. It truly was outstanding, but the idea that someone painted him made him feel a little weird. But still…he couldn't take his eyes away. He began to hum a tune that always seemed to stay with him. It was a simple melody, but it always brought him comfort. He needed to find this Dean guy. He had to know why he drew him.

* * *

 **Past**

Cas watched as Dean ran around the land he bought. He had told Cas he wanted to, but Cas had expected Dean to wait another year, but Dean said that he was seventeen, and ready to be on his own. He was talking about where he would build the house, and the barn. He knew exactly where he wanted the hen house, and he was excited about the river that was just a three minute walk away. He had the whole layout planned.

He stopped in front of Cas, a smile lighting up his Face. "So? What do you think?" he asked.

Cas smiled back, how could he not? He loved when Dean got excited. He loved the way his smile reached his eyes. "It's perfect," Cas replied. He sounded a little sad, but that couldn't be helped. This property was further away from him then Dean parent's home was. It was silly, but he didn't want Dean so far away.

"I have something else to show you," Dean said, motioning for Cas to follow him. Dean lead him into small wooded area, and when they emerged from the trees there was another open area. Dean walked over to where the river flowed. "This is where I will build your house. And…" he added, holding up a finger as he walked closer to the tree line. "Here is where I will build your barn."

Dean stood where the barn would be, just waiting for Cas to say something.

Cas just stared at his lover with shock. "You…You bought me land?" he asked, unsure how to feel. Cas' family was better off then Dean's (money wise) and he hated the idea that Dean spent money on him.

Dean walked over to him, knowing where his mind was. "I've had my eyes on these two lands for a couple years. "Mr. Edwards was selling them both. I've been working on paying them off, and was able to finish paying for them earlier than planned with the money from that mining job."

Cas paled a little when Dean mentioned that. He had been away for six months, and Cas spent the entire time scared that Dean was going to die. Mining was a dangerous business. But the payoff was almost worth the risk. If you made it home anyway. "Dean, I don't know what to say."

Dean took a quick look around them before going to Cas, taking his hands in his own. "Tell me you will let me build you a home. Tell me that you will sneak over to my place in the night just to sleep by my side. Tell me you will live close to me forever. I will build you a house suitable for a woman to live when the time comes. I will build a room for children. I will build whatever you want. Just tell me you will let me take care of you the only way I can."

The plea on Dean's face was made Cas want to curse. Instead, he put his forehead to Dean's. "It's so much. You still have to pay for the timber. The nails. Anything else you may need."

"I have it, Cas. I can provide. I can take care of it."

Cas looked around the land that Dean bought him. It was amazing that Dean would always be just on the other side of the trees. He would always s be right there. "Only if you let me help pay for the timber. Let me help make our homes."

Dean seemed to struggle with that a little. He liked being the one to pay for things, but after a minute he smiled. "Whatever gets you here," he said, then quickly kissed Cas.

They pulled apart, aware that anyone could just pop up. They were always careful about being seen. "My mom is going to cry," Cas informed Dean as they crossed back to Dean's land.

Dean laughed. "My mom did, but she knew it was time."

Cas shook his head. "I love you so much," he told Dean.

Dean just smiled. Even bigger then when he was running around the land, sharing his plans. Cas wanted to cry at the look. Dean was happier at the idea of him loving him, then having his own land, and didn't that just make his heart swell with happiness.

* * *

 **Present**

 **Dean**

Dean looked up at the woman who joined him. He had seen her before, and he rather enjoyed her unique art. She introduced herself, holding out her hand to him. "Dean Winchester," Dean replied, taking the hand she offered. "I enjoy your work," Dean added on.

Charlie's smile grew bigger. "Thanks." she said. "I'm not sure if I know of yours." she said honestly.

"Well, you can't know them all," Dean replied. It never hurt his ego if someone didn't know him. Such was life. Not everyone liked his art, or knew who he was, and he was fine with that. "What can I do for you?"

"I just needed a place to sit, and you looked lonely," Charlie replied. Okay, weak excuse, but whatever.

Dean leaned onto the table. "I don't mind company," he told her.

Sometime later, Dean decided he like Charlie. She was funny and nerdy. She was a little odd, but he could have told you that judging by her art alone. They were having a great time until she looked at her watch, and stood suddenly. "Shoot, have to bolt!" she grabbed her bag, and as she ran away, she called to him over her should. "TTFN!"

Dean sat there feeling like he had a small case of whiplash, but he had to laugh. Yeah, she was definitely a character. Deciding to see who all had work here, he took care of his trash, and made his way to the art.

Slowly he made his way around. It took him about half an hour to get to his own piece. Next to his was Metatron's. That guy was an asshat. He recognized M.J Campbell. She was new but promising. Marcus Crowley was damn good, and Balthazar was not only a great artist, but a wonderful person.

Dean stopped at a drawing, and it took him a minuet to process that the man in the drawing was him. It had to be. It had his lips. His jaw. His eyes. His freckles. "What the?" he whispered softly to himself, his body heating because he was feeling a little exposed. He couldn't believe this. Why did someone draw him? He looked at the owners name, and Castiel Novak wasn't a name he knew.

Dean was about to leave when he heard someone humming a tune. His tune. The one he could never get out of his head, but couldn't place the song it belonged to. Feeling a little unsettled by the fact that someone had drawn him, he followed the sound. The person humming it was facing away from him.

"Excuse me," Dean said to him. "Can you tell me…" Dean's words dropped off as the man turned to him. His heart gave a great leap in his chest, and he felt an urge to pull the guy close, and hug the ever living shit out of him. It was him! The man in his dream! He knew it in his heart, felt it bones. Tears stung his eyes, though he didn't know why, and the word "home" kept bouncing around his head. The man that stood before him was his home.

…..

 **I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

… **..**

 **Chapter Three**

… **.**

 **Past**

"Supper is amazing, Mrs. Novak," Dean said, before shoveling more food into his mouth. His eyes trailed to Cas, but Cas', attention was on Rachel, who was currently blushing. Dean wanted to curse as he looked away. Cas had been courting Rachel for a few months now, and while Cas always came home to Dean's bed, the sight of them together made him sick. He wanted to jump up on the table, and yell to the world that Cas was his, and his alone.

"Oh, you're too kind," Mrs. Novak replied, but the smile on her face said that his comment pleased her.

"It truly is a spectacular meal," Rachel added in. "You must teach me how to make this."

"I would love to!" Mrs. Novak said, the pleasure clear in her voice. "I would love to pass my knowledge unto someone."

The women got on to talking, and Cas turned to Dean, giving him a smile as he pulled his bread apart. He offered half of it to Dean. He took it knowing it was Cas' way of reaching out to him. Dean looked down at the bread as he tried to get his emotions in check. This was not really the time for jealousy.

"I think I'm going to retire for the night," Dean said, putting the bread on the plate. He looked up to Mr. and Mrs. Novak. "Thank you for the meal," he said. "Please excuse me." He got up from the table, and he knew they were all surprised by his sudden flight from the house, but he couldn't stay a moment longer.

He walked home, needing the time to think, and not wanting to leave Cas without the horses. Cas, after all, needed to bring Rachel home.

He wasn't far from home when he heard the sound of a horse and buggy coming up behind him. He had expected it to be Cas, but when he turned and looked, he found that it was Caroline and her father. They came to a stop next to him. "Evening son," her father said. "Can I interest you in a ride?"

Dean was going to protest, but after looking at Caroline's kind face, he decided to take the offer. After all, she was the woman he planned on marring, and he would need her father's approval. He climbed on, and smiled at the two of them. "Thank you, sir."

"No problem," Mr. Johnson clicked his tongue, and the horses started walking again. "So, Caroline told me you like making things. You ever make furniture?"

"I've dabbled. Made my house too," Dean replied.

"Well, I need someone down at the shop. Too many orders for these aching hands to keep up with. I could teach you proper, and give you work, if you're interested."

In other words, Dean thought, If you're going to marry my daughter, you better have a good job so you can provide. Dean was a farmers boy, and while there's nothing wrong with being a farmer, Caroline was from a fine family, and her father would want her current life style to stay intact. "I would like to do that. Thank you."

"Good, be there tomorrow at six," Mr. Johnson said. "Whoa boy," he added to halt the horses.

"May I walk you to the door?" Caroline asked, blush hitting her cheeks.

"Of course," Dean replied, then hopped down. He offered his hand to her. She took it gently, and allowed him to help her down.

They walked to his door in silence, but it wasn't the uncomfortable kind. Caroline cleared her throat quietly. "So, the church's spring dance is next weekend. Do you plan on going?" she asked, shyly.

Dean smiled at her. Of course, how had he forgotten to ask her to the dance? "I believe that depends," he replied.

"On what?" she enquired, hope clear on her face.

"Whether you agree to be my escort?" Dean replied. She blushed once again, and her smile reached those blue eyes.

"I would be very pleased to go with you," she replied. She looked over her shoulder to her father. "I must go, but I will see you next weekend, if not sooner." She leaned in, and up with a quick kiss on his cheek, before quickly going back to her father. She waved as she was driven away.

Dean went inside, and just stood in the middle of the room. The cabin was cold, and it had nothing to do with the temperature. This house wasn't a home without Cas. Dean rubbed his face as he sat at the table. His chest ached, and he wished that things could stay the same. He wished Cas could live here with him. He wished they could just be left to live how they wanted.

Dean shook his head, and stood up. This was a worry for a later date. He refused to think on it any longer. With that, he started his nightly chores, and by the time he was done, Cas was coming up the road.

Dean helped Cas put up the horses, and knew that Cas was upset because Cas was only ever this quiet when something was wrong. "I'm sorry," Dean said, hating that he may have upset Cas.

Cas flung himself into Dean's arms, holding on to him like his life depended on it. No words were exchanged as Dean returned the embrace. Moments like this were numbered, and neither of them needed to say it to know it as the truth.

…..

"You ready?" Cas asked Dean, as he adjusted his tie.

"Do I have to wear this thing?" Dean complained, holding up the tie that was draped around his neck. His horrified expression making Cas chuckle.

Cas went to him, and started to tie the tie. "Yes, you do," Cas replied as he did so. Once done, he stepped back, and shifted his hips. Didn't that man in a tuck turn him on?. "You look good."

Dean cocked his head to the side with a sly smile at his lips. "Do I?" he teased, putting his lips to Cas'. "I bet it would look even better without the clothes." Dean sucked in Cas' lower lip, making Cas moan.

It was hard to do, but Cas pulled away, shaking his head. "We have to go," Cas reminded him. Dean grumbled, but followed Cas out the door, after grabbing his hat.

They picked up Rachel on their way to the church. She lived with her widowed mother, and needed a ride. Dean was to meet Caroline there as it was improper for a man to show up at a woman's door without the promise of marriage. Mr. Johnson really held his daughter close.

"Evening Rachel," Dean greeted as she climbed in with Cas' help. Cas had to appreciate the fact that Dean treated her with respect, even given the circumstances.

"Good evening," she replied, as she settled between them. Her hands got busy smoothing the fabric of her pale blue dress.

"You looked lovely," Cas told her, once they got moving. She really did. Her light brown hair was up in a fancy twist, and the pale blue looked lovely against her light skin. Her hazel eyes sparkled as she flushed.

"Thank you, Castiel," she replied. She smiled at him, and he nodded to her.

Rachel and Dean filled the ride to the church with small talk, which gave Cas time to think. He knew Rachel was the one he wanted to marry. Well, outside of Dean of course. He liked that the two got along okay, and hoped that they could like each other even better in the future. He glanced at the two, and Dean was telling her the story about the time he had nearly gotten bitten by a snake. He could tell Dean was just trying to find things to talk about, but the effort made him love Dean even more.

Before he knew it, they were at the church, and was Dean helping him tie up the horses. "I see you," Cas whispered to Dean.

Dean looked up at him, his green eyes capturing Cas', and making it nearly impossible to look away. "I see you, too."

"Come on!" Rachel urged excitedly, as she took Cas' arm. I want to dance."

Cas looked back at Dean as he let Rachel pull him away. The look on Dean's face nearly made him want to cry, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. It was what it was. He mouthed the word, "Sorry," before going into the church with Rachel.

…

Dean approached Caroline as she entered the church with her family. The music had slowed so couples could dance, and he knew it was only proper to offer her a dance. "May I have this dance?" he asked, holding out his hand.

Caroline flushed as she looked over her shoulder to her father, who nodded his approval. "I would be delighted to dance with you," she replied in her fancy way.

Dean lead her to the Dance floor, and pulled her as close to him as proper. If he held her too close, it would displease her father, and if he held her to far, she would be offended. Luckily, he knew just how close to hold her to please both. Their bodies didn't touch, but if she were to step in just a little, they would.

He moved them around in circles, trying to keep his eyes on her, but his eyes kept drifting to Cas. Every so often, Cas' eyes would find his own, and their stares would lock, until one of them looked away.

The entire night went like this. They both danced with their dates. They both laughed when they needed too. They socialized, only touching base with each other for a minute at a time.

"I had a great time," Caroline said bashfully. Her father had informed her that I was time to go, and Dean was walking her to the door.

Dean smiled, taking her hand, giving it a kiss. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."

Caroline giggled before reaching up, and placing a quick kiss on Dean's cheek. "Have a good night," She said before running off.

Dean watched her go, and he wished he loved her. He liked her, and she really did make him laugh. She was a beautiful woman with Pale blue eyes, and black hair that was always done up in some way. Her skin was smooth, and was the color of cream. Yeah, she was beautiful, and funny, and she was desirable to most men in town, but she wasn't Cas.

Dean turned, and scanned the crowed for the man he loved. Cas however was nowhere to be found. He spotted Rachel, who likewise seemed a little confused.

"Hey," he said as he approached her.

"Hey, I was just looking for you," She replied. "Cas left, he said he just needed to get home. It was a little sudden." She shrugged a little. "He told me he was leaving the horses so you could bring me home when I'm ready. I would like to stay for the end of the night sermon. If you wouldn't mind."

She gave him a smile that made Dean laugh a little. "Yes, we can stay," he said, and had to smile when her eyes lit up with happiness.

"Would you like to dance? It's still thirty minutes until the sermon will start." She shrugged again.

"Yeah, We can dance," Dean replied, because he didn't want to disappoint her. He worried about Cas, but he couldn't leave Rachel without a way home. It would be indecent of him.

…

Dean climbed into the bed behind Cas. "Mm," he said, as he snuggled in close, wrapping and arm around Cas. "Your warm," Dean added.

"I know," Cas replied, in that detached voice he used when something was bothering him.

"Cas? What's wrong?"

"I didn't like seeing you hold Caroline," Cas replied, his voice strained, like he was trying not to cry. "I wish we could dance together."

Dean pulled Cas closer, nuzzled into the nape of his neck, and placed a kiss there. "Will you dance with me?" he whispered into Cas' ear.

"There's no music," Cas replied, as Dean got out of bed, and held his hand out to him. Cas smiled as he looked Dean over. Dean always wore his drawers to bed. His found it more comfortable the a shirt, and less inconvenient than being naked.

"Dance with me," Dean repeated. This time Cas took Dean's hand, and Dean pulled him in close so that their chest touched. Dean began to hum that tune he made up. The one he played on his fiddle because it's how Cas made him feel. Cas laughed as they moved about the dark room.

They danced until Cas' head came to rest on Dean's shoulder, and they just found themselves holding on to each other. Swaying from one leg to the other. "One day soon we will have to get married," Cas said quietly. He knew Dean hated talking about this. In the past it had always been a future scenario. A problem the future held, and had no grip on the present, but now the future was here before them, and they could no longer push it away. They were both being expected to take a wife, and they were at the age to do so.

Dean sighed, wishing he could keep the outside world at bay, and that they could stay here, in this room, forever. "Yes," he replied, because there was nothing else to say. He could no longer tell Cas that it was to be worried about at a later time.

"They will want babies," Cas added, dryly. "What if I can't perform?" His heart sank to his stomach at the idea of being with someone else.

Dean wanted to scream. He was so insanely jealous at the idea of someone else putting their hands on Cas, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. Men married woman, and started families. That's what was. "You can think of me," Dean replied.

"I'm being serious, Dean."

"So am I," Dean said, moving so he could kiss the side of Cas' neck. "You can imagine that it's my hands on your body. My lips on your lips. My body that you are moving in." Dean said, against Cas throat, while his hands grabbed at Cas' night shirt, and brought it up, so he could grab at Cas' bare ass.

Cas sighed in surrender as Dean lifted Cas' shirt free from his body. "Just remember tonight," Dean said, as he moved in close again, kissing Cas' shoulder. He stepped forward, so that Cas had to step back, until he fell onto the bed. Cas scooted on more, and Dean followed, settling his body in between Cas' thighs. Dean took Cas' lips with his own, kissing him Lazily.

Dean moved from Cas' lips, to place kisses elsewhere. His cheek. His neck. His collarbone. Just kissing, and tasting. Remembering what his lover tasted like. Felt like. He continued kissing down, until he got to one of Cas' nipples. His flicked his tongue over it, before sucking it into his mouth. After a minute, he kissed his way across Cas' chest to the other nipple, giving it the same treatment.

"When you're with her, think of the way I kiss you," Dean said, as he left a trail of kisses down Cas' stomach, paused at Cas' navel. "Imagine it is me leaving goosebumps all over your skin, and making you hard." Dean moved to Cas erection, and licked his way up the length of it. He smiled as Cas moan, and arched. "Imagine her hand is my tongue," Dean added, before taking Cas into his mouth, and worked the erection.

Dean watched Cas as he moan, and arched. He rocked his hips, urging Dean to take more of him, and when he did, Cas moaned out his name, in a deep husky voice. Dean moved more urgently now, driving them both wild. He was sure to keep his eyes open, because he had to remember this. Remember what Cas looked like in this ecstasy. Cas' sex pulsed, then the orgasm rocked through him, and Dean helped him ride it out until Cas' went still.

Dean moved, placing kisses on Cas' thighs. "Your turn," Cas said, his voice still husky from the sex.

Without a word, Dean moved so he was on top of Cas. He kissed his lover slowly, before reaching under the bed for the Vaseline. After removing the lid, he dipped his fingers in, and went back to kissing Cas as his fingers worked at Cas' opening. "You want more?" Dean asked against Cas' lips, then glanced down at the hard erection that lay on Cas' lower belly.

"I can never get enough of you," Cas replied, then rotated his hips to get Dean's fingers deeper.

Dean got the hint, and moved quicker, and added another finger. Once Cas had opened up, he put Vaseline on his sex, and slowly pushed his way into Cas. The thrusting was slow. Slowly pushing in, slowly drawing out. Slowly driving the both of them wild.

How could he give this up? Dean wondered to himself. He loved Cas too much to watch him be with another, but what choice did he have? He closed his eyes, because they started tearing up.

"Don't think about it," he heard Cas say, then felt hands on both his cheeks.

Dean opened his eyes, and saw that Cas was tearing too. He wanted to say something, but found himself unable to speak. He continued to move in Cas, because it was all he could do.

Cas arched under him, and the angle pushed Dean over the edge. His head fell back, as he rode out the sensation. He could tell Cas was still on edge, so he continued to thrust until Cas got his second release.

They lay like that, both of them breathing heavy. Dean on top of Cas, knowing he had to be crushing his lover, but he just couldn't bring himself to move. There was something too perfect about the feel of Cas' heart beating against his. Something magical about the way Cas' hands lazily brushed over his body.

"And when your with her," Cas said, stopping to kiss Dean's jaw. "Remember that you are mine, and I yours."

Dean fell to the side, but gathered Cas close. "You are my heart," Dean said, kissing his forehead.

"And you are my soul," Cas replied, snuggling to Dean's chest, and closing his eyes.

Dean's last conscious thought was that he would love Cas forever. In this life, and any life that may follow. Where ever they were. Whatever they had to do. No matter what, Cas would have his heart. Cas was his home.

* * *

 **Present**

Cas was signing a few things when a man with a deep husky voice said "Excuse me" from behind him. He turned, and felt as if his heart was going to explode. It…it was him! The man in his head. He couldn't believe it. How? He had always thought he made the guy up. But it was him. Sweet Jesus.

He didn't hear anything after "excuse me" because his heart was fluttering wildly in his ears. He felt homesick looking into the guys beautiful green eyes. He wanted to cry, because he thought he wouldn't ever see him again. Not that it made sense. He had no idea who the man before him was.

But it felt like his heart knew. Words like 'mine' and 'home' kept coming to him. There was something nagging at the back of his memory. Something that was trying desperately to break through, but couldn't. That didn't matter. Everything he has been looking for stood in front of him, and he had to be sure he was never without it again.

It took him a minute to realize that the man was likewise staring back at him. "Hi," Cas managed to get out. "Castiel Novak."

Dean looked the man's hand. This was the guy who drew him! The man in his dreams drew him! "Dean Winchester," Dean replied. He had a funny feeling they had done this before, a million year ago.

"You…You painted me!" Cas said, shocked. Was this really happening? Or was he sleeping, and was bound to wake at some point?

"You drew me," Dean replied in the same tone Cas used.

They just looked at each other, unsure how to proceed. "I just don't understand," Cas said, shaking his head. "How is this possible?"

"I don't know." Dean just looked over the man. God. Those blue eyes were as he knew them. Kind, and warm. His lips were perfect. His face was perfect. HE was perfect. But seriously, how?

More with the awkward silence. "Where have you heard that tune?" Dean asked. He couldn't think what else to say.

"I'm not sure. I've just always known it," Cas replied.

"Me too," Dean said. More silence.

"You've found him!" Charlie said, going to them. "Crazy huh? You must have seen him at a different event or something." Charlie beamed at them, but it slowly faded. "Am I missing something?"

Cas looked at her. "I drew him, and he painted me," Cas replied.

"Oh," Charlie said, clapping her hands together. "It's a sign! You two are meant to be."

"Hey Charlie," Cas said with a smile. "You mind?" he asked. She nodded and left quickly.

"You want to get lunch?" Dean finally asked. He had no idea how this even happened, and the fear of losing the man in front of him may not have been rational, but it was there, and making it hard for him to breath.

"Yes," Cas replied. There was no way in hell he was letting Dean go again. Cas felt a moments pause with the 'again' part. He hadn't ever met the man before. How could he lose him again?

…

 **I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

…

 **Chapter Four**

….

 **Past**

Nights like this were special, and so far in between. The snow storm that was whipping around Dean's house, offered them a temporary safe haven. No one would be out in a storm like this, and that meant that Dean and Cas were free to be worry free. They didn't have to worry about any unexpected visitors catching them doing something "unholy."

Nights like this were also freezing, so Dean found himself on his stomach, laying in front of the fireplace. He rested his head on his arms, watching the fire dance, while Cas sat in the rocking chair in front of him, reading a book of short stories out loud. Some of the stories were actually entertaining, but Dean was content just to hear Cas speak.

At the end of yet another short story, Cas paused, and looked down at Dean. "You still awake?" he asked softly.

"Mm-hmm," Dean replied, then shifted his head so that he was looking up at Cas. "You done already?"

"Only if you are," Cas replied, an easy smile on his face.

"I would like to keep going," Cas said, smiling even bigger.

Dean smiled as he looked back at the fire, letting Cas' voice lull him. Yes, night's like this were priceless, and later he was going to make it even more so. After all, he wasn't going to waste this time alone. Especially since Cas was going to ask Rachel to marry him in a few days. This was their last night like this.

* * *

 **Present**

"Happy two year anniversary," Cas said, leaning over the back of Dean's chair, and placing a kiss on his neck.

"Happy anniversary," Dean replied, a smile on his face. "Come here," he added, taking Cas' hand.

Cas did as Dean asked, walking around the chair, and settling on Dean's lap. "What are you watching?" Cas asked, looking over at the TV.

"Treehouse masters. This show's pretty cool." Dean hugged Cas closer. "You okay? You look tired."

"Yeah, Just been a long day. Seems I'm stuck on my drawing. Problem is, I don't know what to draw. I want something new. Something fresh." Cas shrugged. "Besides, the traffic sucked. Why do you have to live forty-five minutes away?" Cas had been amazed to find that his man only lived forty-five minutes away. It was a shock to Dean as well. They had talked about moving closer together, but it just never happened. They just found themselves going back and forth to each other's places. Cas had wanted to actually live with Dean, but was unsure how to approach the subject.

Dean was silent a moment, so Cas looked back to his lover. Dean looked at him with a smile that gave him butterflies. Damn that smile. There were times when he hated it, because even when he was angry with Dean, all Dean would have to do was put on that smile, and his mind, and heart would go soft on him.

"We don't have to you know," Dean replied.

"What do you mean?" Cas asked, trying not to get his hopes up. Did he mean what he hoped he means?

"Well, I was thinking last night, while I was lying in bed, and missing you, that I don't like spending nights apart from you. So, then I thought, why not move in together? I'm ready to take that step, and honestly, I think I've been ready for a while."

Cas smiled so big his cheeks hurt. "Yes. A thousand times yes." He leaned in, taking Dean's mouth with his own. "I love you," he said, the happiness clear in his tone.

"And I you," Dean replied, then got lost in the kiss.

* * *

 **Past**

The silence was deafening. He didn't know what to say to Cas who was pacing in front of the fire place. Tomorrow Cas would be married, and that was it for them. It was important to both of them that they remain faithful to their wives. It was bad enough that they would be in a loveless marriage. Going behind their backs just seemed too much.

Cas was pale, and biting the inside of his lip. He looked like he was going to bolt at any moment. Dean, likewise, was having a hard time with this. There was nothing worse than knowing this was the last time they would be together, intimately.

"I should call it off. I mean…I don't know." Cas shook his head, letting out a frustrated sight. "How can this be wrong?" he asked, motioning to the two of them. "How can what I feel for you be wrong? How can something that has made me so happy be wrong? I just…How?" Cas' voice cracked a little on the last word.

Dean went to his lover, taking his hand. "I don't know, baby. I honestly don't know."

"I can't…I just…Tell me something good," Cas said, looking up at Dean, need for something good clear on his face.

Dean was silent a moment as he thought of what he could possibly say. "In a different time, we are together. We are free to be us. Most people wouldn't even care that we are both guys." Dean wiped a tear from Cas' cheek as he spoke. "We would live together, and I would bring you home wildflowers for no reason other than to see you smile. We would get married, and when you were sad I would do whatever it takes to make you happy. We would adopt children, and have a family of our own." Dean chuckled. "You will ask me to marry you, because I was taking too long to do it, and later you would find out that it was all because I was too damn nervous, and wanted it to be perfect, so I just kept waiting for the right moment. But you ask first, and I would say yes, because how could I not? I couldn't deny you anything."

Cas chucked a little at the mental picture Dean drew for him, and Dean pulled him to his chest. No words were spoken now. They didn't need them. This embrace said it all. It said, I love you. I need you. I want you. It spoke of all the things they will never have, and all the time they will never get. It said how unfair this was, and how cruel the world was. It spoke things neither of them could ever put into words. The silence whispered the things that stuck in their throats.

"Make love to me," Cas whispered against Dean's throat. "Please, one last time. I need…I need one last time."

Dean took Cas' mouth with his own. "How could I ever say no?" Dean asked against Cas' lips, his tone full of sorrow.

They made love. It was the slow, sweet kind, that took you too an emotional state you normally didn't experience. It was the kind that made you cry afterword's because there was so much love you didn't know what to do with it. It was the kind that lasted all night because it wasn't about the sex. It wasn't about the need to release. It was for the connection. It was about the closeness that you could only get from sex. It was about kissing, and caressing. It wasn't about the sex. It was about the love.

* * *

 **Present**

Cas stood in front of the mirror feeling nervous as hell. Today was his and Dean's four year anniversary, and he decided that this was the night he was going to ask Dean to marry him. He had been waiting for Dean to ask, but he was simply taking too long. Cas took a deep breath, exhaling it slowly. He could do this. He could do this.

He left the bathroom, and the moment he saw Dean, he felt himself harden. Dean looked Damn good in a suit, and damn if Cas didn't want to push dinner off, and take Dean right here. But they had a reservation at one of the nicest restaurants. It had to reserve it months in advance. It was expensive, but he wanted to do this proper. He had even asked Dean's dad and everything. That was one of the scariest moments ever, But John was thrilled, and gave him a bear hug. "I'd be proud to call you son," he had said.

"Do I have to wear this thing?" Dean asked, addressing the tie.

Cas chuckled, and walking over to Dean with a sense of da-ja-vu. He had that quite often. "Yes, you do," he said, as he tied the tie. "You look sexy."

Dean cocked a brow. "Yeah?" he said seductively. "How about we ditch dinner, and I can show you how sexy I can be?" He wrapped his arms around Cas, kissing him so deep that Cas nearly gave in. When he pulled away, he was feeling a little breathless.

"We have to go to dinner. I've made a reservation," Cas told him. "Don't give me that look, we can have fun when we get back home." Cas shook his head with a smile. "You would think I never give it up," Cas remarked as he lead Dean to the door. Dean laughed in response.

"You look sexy too," Dean said, as he opened the car door for Cas. "And Happy Anniversary."

…

Cas thanked the waiter as he took away the dinner plates. Dean was talking about his dream house. He wanted to have one built, and it warmed Cas to know that Dean saw kids in their future. It was a great confidence boost as he worked up the nerve to ask Dean to marry him. So far the night had been better than perfect.

Cas decided that now that they have ordered dessert it was time. He took Dean's hand and waited until Dean's green eyes met his own. "I love you Dean," he started. He let Dean reply with his, "I love you too," before going on. "You have made me the happiest man in the world, and I wouldn't trade you for anything. You are my everything. My heart and soul. I never want to part from you." He paused as Dean eyes squinted with suspicion. Now was the time. Cas moved around the table and kneeled down in front of Dean. Now his eyes were wide and watering. (Which really didn't help to keep his own tears as bay.) "I can't promise that I will always make you happy. I can't promise that I will never hurt you or let you down. But I can promise to try. I promise I will never let you on purpose. I can promise that I will do anything to make you happy. I can promise that hurting you is the last thing I will ever want to do. And most of all, I promise that I will love you. I will love you in this life and the next," Cas had to pause for a breath. "Dean Winchester, will you marry me?"

Cas knew by the fact the Dean was crying a little that his answer would be yes, but the moment the words left Dean's perfect lips his heart filled with so much joy he was surprised the things didn't burst. They wrapped their arms around each other, while a round of applause swallowed up their, "I love yous."

As promised when they got home that night, Cas let Dean show him just how sexy he could be, and in the aftermath of their need for each other, they both lay there, panting. "I love you," Cas said, just because he had too.

Dean pulled him close, snuggling up close. "Forever and always," Dean replied, making Cas' chest warm with a feeling of fulfillment. It was a felling he only ever got with Dean, and that was just another thing he loved about him.

….

"I'm home!" Dean called out as he arrived home. He walked into the living room and paused, a frown at his lips. "Cas? Baby what's wrong?" he asked, as he went to Cas, and kneeling on the floor in front of him. His eyes were red from tears, and Dean's chest tightened. What had happened?

"I went home today. To tell my family about the engagement." Cas didn't go one, and he really didn't have too. Dean's heart sank. They must not have approved. He hadn't seen this being a problem. They seemed fine with Cas being gay. What had changed?

As if reading his mind, Cas spoke again. "Apparently, my father had thought this was a phase. He had thought I was just experimenting, and that one day I would get married to a woman." Cas' voice was empty as he spoke. "He said if we go one with the wedding that he…that he…" Cas let out a sob. And tearfully he managed to say, "That he will disown me." Cas paused a moment. "He said it's wrong, but I don't understand how. How can what I feel for you be wrong? It doesn't feel wrong to me, so how can it be wrong?"

"It's not." Dean wrapped Cas up in his arms, as Cas continued to cry. Dean did his best not to let his anger show. He never liked seeing Cas cry, and this was just too much. Jesus why did people have to be so damn unaccepting? "Shh. Baby, it's going to be okay. He just needs time. That's all. He just needs time."

Dean rocked Cas a little, rubbing his back. After a while, Cas was able to pull himself together. "I don't want to disappoint him, but I will not let him take you away from me. I will marry you regardless." He sniffed.

"I'm glad to hear that," Dean replied, handing Cas a tissue from the end table.

"Do you really think he will come around?"

Dean squeezed Cas' thigh. "I believe that sometimes someone has to get used to an idea before they can be okay with it. We don't have to get married right away. We Can give him time."

"But you wanted to get married in October. That's three months away," Cas protested.

Dean gave him a soft smile. "And October will come again next year. Cas, my love, we can wait. I don't mind. Honestly."

Cas gave Dean a kiss. "You too good to me," he said as he pulled away.

Dean gave him a cocky smile. "You are the one who is too good for me."

"Come on, I know exactly how to cheer you up," Dean said as he stood. He held out his hand to Cas, and pulled him to his feet.

"What?" Cas asked, as Dean dragged him to the front door. "Ice cream. That makes everything better."

Cas let out a small laugh. "You know me so well."

"It's my job, and on the way home we will stop at the studio. You can take out your hurt on some clay."

Cas laughed. "We have clay?" Cas asked as they took the stairs down.

"Just came in today. Wanted to expand my knowledge," Dean replied.

"Sounds like it will be fun," Cas said, feeling a little better as Dean took his hand and they started down the street to Jo and Ellen's Ice-Cream Parlor. "Thank you."

Dean kissed Cas' hand. "Always." Dean hummed that unknown tune the rest of the way, and he felt that sense of fulfillment that always struck him randomly, and sometimes left him a little breathless.

…

The wedding was a simple one that took place in a park. The color of fall was their background, and the October weather was beautiful. The tables were done with simple white centerpieces and candles, because Cas didn't want to take away from the beauty of the park. The food was pot luck (Dean's favorite) and the cake (made by Cas' sister, Anna) was a beautiful five layer cake, decorated with stunning orange and red flowers. It almost looked like it was on fire.

Dean wore a black suit with a burnt orange shirt (Cas' idea) and Cas wore an White suite with a red shirt (also Cas' idea.) He wanted them to be different, and keep in step with the theme of the wedding. Dean wasn't as fussy, but whatever his Cas wanted, he got.

It was all worth it. All the talk about flowers and table dressings. The stress over what flavor cake to use (Dean didn't care, he preferred pie.) The this and that's of it all. The moment he laid eyes on Cas' beaming face, everything was worth it. It became more worth it as the vows were exchanged, and rings placed. It was worth it because Cas was happy. The wait was worth it because Cas' father came around, and had clapped with everyone has they kissed. Time spent with Cas was always worth it.

Dean held Cas close as they shared their first dance as a married couple (he of course hummed their tune in Cas ear) he knew that whatever made Cas happy, would forever and always be worth any effort he had to give, because Cas gave him everything just by simply living, and choosing to marry him.

…

 **I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer! I do not own Supernatural or its characters. All credit go to the wonderful creators** **of Supernatural and its actors.**

…

 **Chapter Five**

….

 **Past**

The sun was hot as Dean went about is daily chores. His nerves were shot, and he couldn't stay in the house one more minute. At the moment his mind was racing through the last couple years as if reliving it wall would amount to a different outcome in the now.

Not long after the dance Cas had asked Rachel to marry him. She (of course) said yes, and six months later the two were married. The wedding was beautiful, and Rachel was so happy Dean felt guilty for being jealous. After all, this was what was supposed to happen.

It was almost a week after the wedding before Dean had seen Cas again. His heart was heavy with hurt, and he was angry. Okay, actually he was scared that Cas had liked sleeping with Rachel. Before her, Cas had only ever been with him. What if Cas liked being with her better? What if he realized that, hey, he's not into guys after all?

Dean couldn't stand that thought, but after the third day of Cas not coming to him, he had really started to worry. It was early on the sixth day when Cas had found Dean in the barn. "I have something for you," he had said, startling Dean a bit.

Dean looked at him over his shoulder. His heart beat wildly as he looked for signs that Cas loved him less than before. Anything that suggested he was disgusted with the things they had done. Things that Dean still held dear. But all he saw was excitement, Which honestly annoyed him.

"What is it?" Dean asked, putting the rake aside.

"You have to come with me," Cas said, nodding outside. "You got a couple hours?" he asked.

Dean nodded, and followed Cas outside. Cas picked up a bag and a fishing rod. He started down the road, and Dean followed. They were silent as they walked. Dean was unable to speak even though he had questions. Where were they going? Why hadn't Cas seen him the past few days? Were they still okay? Did he like sex with Rachel better? Was this the end of them? Did he prefer his lips to hers? His stomach ached with these questions buzzing around his head.

He saw Cas looking at him too, and he seemed like he was searching for words as well. This was it, Dean thought. This was Cas telling him that they were done. He was going to say things like, "They never should have been." Dean was prepared to never being with Cas intimately again. Being faithful to Rachel was important to Cas, but Cas was going to cut all the ties, and Dean wasn't ready for it. Not that he ever would be.

They must have been walking for an hour when Cas took a turn Dean was unfamiliar with. It led down to a little dirt path. After about ten minutes, Cas started off the path, up a hill that led into thick woods. Dean's brows pulled together as he followed him in. They walked for a long while before coming up on a little house type thing in the trees.

Without a word, Cas climbed up the rope ladder. Dean went after him, and looked around the small house. It was big enough that they could almost stand straight up, and long enough to lay stretched out. Cas grabbed Dean's wrist, and pulled him down so they were both sitting.

"What's this?" Dean asked, feeling confused. Why bring him all the way out here to break up with him?

"I made it. For us. I did it yesterday." Cas rubbed at the back of his neck. "I can't…I can't not be with you, Dean. And…I just…I…" Cas looked like he might cry. "I have to be with you, and I thought that if we had a place to go, then we could be together. We can have fishing trips, or hunting trips, and no one will bother us here. Most people avoid this area because there are fishing and hunting grounds closer to home, but we can bring up the ladder and…"

Cas was cut off by Dean's kiss, and from there why both found themselves stripping each other from their clothes.

After that they went on a hunting trip for the weekend once a month, and they would find reasons to be missing for a couple hours once a week. It was hardly enough, but it was better than nothing.

Dean and Caroline married three months after Cas and Rachel, and it didn't take long for Rachel to fall pregnant. It was easy to be happy for Cas. After all, being a father was a happy thing. Adaline Grace was born just a few days after Dean found out that he too was going to be a father.

The four of them were happy sharing dinner at one house or the other, and the girls got along better than the boys could have hoped. Rachel was thrilled that Caroline was pregnant, and the who spent hours just cooing over Adaline, and talking baby.

Dean found that being married wasn't the worst thing when it was with someone you actually cared for. Caroline was no Cas, and when they made love he found himself wishing it were Cas instead, but Caroline was a sweetheart. She took care of him, and their home. She cared for Cas, and Rachel. She was smart and never complained that he spent too much time working. He worked for her father, but he still had the farm to tend to. She would always greet him when he got home, and get him supper. She once told him that she couldn't have found a better man. That she was overjoyed with her life. He told her that he couldn't have found a better woman. He thought it was sweet that she blushed as she waved the comment away.

He cared for her, that's why he couldn't sit in the house, listening to her screams of pain. She was in labor, and the doc said it wasn't going good. The baby was breach, whatever that meant. He couldn't stand that she was in pain, and he hated that there wasn't anything he could do. He felt hopeless, so he worked.

"Dean," Cas said as he approached him.

"How is she?" Dean asked. Judging by the look on Cas' face, things weren't going well.

"Rachel came out, and told me things weren't looking good. Caroline has lost a lot of blood." Cas paused a moment as he paled a little. "She said you should prepare yourself for losing one, or both of them."

Dean closed his eyes, and cursed silently. Something he didn't do often. "I…I don't want her to die." He had to say it. He just needed God to hear it. There had been a couple time Dean wished he and Cas were unmarried, but he hadn't meant harm to befall their wives. He loved them both, and would never wish harm on them. Oh God.

"I'm so sorry, Dean." They embraced, holding on to each other maybe a little longer than they should have, but They didn't care. Besides, at times like these people hugged.

Cas convinced Dean to come inside, and it wasn't much longer after that when Dean found himself holding his son in his arms, showing him to a fading Caroline. He had never seen her so pale. So unhealthy. It was so odd considering that just last night she had been full of color and healthy. She was wet from sweat, and her lips were turning blue. They were going to lose her.

"He's beautiful," she said between heavy breaths. "Like his daddy," she added with a smile.

Dean leaned in and kissed her lips. This was breaking his heart. Jesus he was going to lose her. "He's beautiful like his mommy," Dean countered, making her smile again.

"Promise…you'll take care of him. I want him to…" She had to take a few deep breaths before going on. "go to school," she finished.

"I promise," Dean replied. Anything she requested he would give her.

"Samuel. I like the name Samuel. After my grandfather."

Dean looked down at his son with a smile. "Samuel is a good strong name. Samuel Castiel Winchester." He looked back at her, and she smiled.

"I will give you two a moment," The doctor said, motioning for Rachel to follow him out.

Dean let the tears fall from his eyes. How was he going to raise his son on his own?

"I know," Caroline said. Dean looked at her with confusion.

"What do you know?" Dean asked her.

"About you and Cas." She stopped again to breath. "I can see it in the way you look at him. You never looked at me like that." She let out what was supposed to be a laugh as Dean closed his eyes with guild. Her cold hand took his, making him look at her again. "It's okay. I've always known."

Dean shook his head. She seemed completely unfazed by this. "I don't understand. If you knew, why did you marry me? How are you not disgusted with me?" Dean just couldn't fathom the idea what anyone would be okay with the way he loved Cas.

"Because I love a woman who will never love me back. Not in that way." Another pause for breath. "And I liked the way you looked at me. You love me enough to bring me joy, and I felt the same for you."

Dean felt dumbstruck with the news. What were the odds? "I…" he cleared his throat. What could he say to that? He never knew. He didn't see as she had.

Caroline made a rasping noise, that alarmed him, and two staggering breaths later, she went limp. Dean will never forget this moment. She gave him a son at the expense of her own life, and she loved and excepted him despite his "sins."

Dean kissed her forehead as he cried. "I love you, Caroline. I really do."

…

"Daddy!" Samuel called, as he ran to his father. Dean had to stop the horses quickly. He climbed down, picking up his son, and held him close.

"Uncle Dean!" Adaline said, running to him. Cas smiled to himself as Dean picked her up as well. His heart swelled with love as he watched the man he loved hug their children.

"Momma says we are going to the city!" Adaline said, as Dean put her down, and took her hand. He couldn't believe the pair of them were already four. How the time flew.

"You are?" Dean asked, using that happy voice he used with the kids. Dean looked up at Cas as they approached. Cas didn't move as Dean went through the door, so they could touch, just for a moment. It had been a busy few months, and they hadn't had time alone for far too long.

"Yep! We going to see grandpa!" Adaline said excited, even though she had never met the guy. Dean looked over at Cas, as he put Samuel down.

"Is that so?" Dean asked her, but was looking at Cas for confirmation.

"Yep!" she said excitedly, as she took Samuels hand. "Come on Sammy, let's go play!" Cas laughed as Adaline led Samuel back out of the house.

"Where's Rachel?" Dean asked. He looked tired. Too tired.

"She's at her moms, trying to convince her to go with them. Mom however doesn't want to go." Cas moved closer to Dean, who was standing next to the window, watching the kids.

Dean looked at Cas, as Cas put his hand on his back. The touch was simple, but it seemed to ease Dean. "What's wrong?" Cas asked.

"Nothing," Dean replied, letting Cas take his hand, and threading their fingers together.

"I miss you," Cas said, as he pulled Dean away from the window. He pulled Dean in close to his body. "I need you," he added just before their lips met. Cas shivered with the contact. God he missed Dean. And judging on the way Dean kissed him back, and put his hand through his hair, Dean missed him too.

They were breathless when they pulled apart. The sound of hooves alerted them that they were no longer alone. Dean moved quickly to the table, and sat down. He pulled the pipe box over to him, and started preparing a pipe. Cas opened the door, and smiled at Rachel, who was angry.

"Stubborn old fool!" she said as she came inside. She put her hand on her pregnant belly as she shook her head angrily. She kissed Cas' cheek, then smiled over at Dean. "Will you be joining us for dinner?" she asked, her tone now softer.

"Yeah, if it wouldn't be too much trouble," Dean replied.

Rachel smiled at him as she put a hand on his shoulder. Since Caroline passed, Rachel has made it her mission to be sure Dean was well taken care of. If he didn't stay for dinner (which only happened on day's Dean was overly tired) she would pack up leftovers, and bring them to him. "Never any trouble. Besides, I fear if we don't feed you, you'd fade away to nothing."

Dean laughed, as Rachel went to the kitchen. "Mother will not be joining us on our trip," she said as she moved about. "Oh Castiel, Love, we will need more meat soon."

"I will go while you're gone," Cas promised.

"Good, good." Rachel looked over her shoulder. "Dean, would you like me to take Samuel with us? I know your mother hasn't been well, and finding someone to tend to him while you work is hard."

"How long you going for?" Dean asked.

"Just a week." She walked over to him, putting coffee in front of him, then handed Cas a cup.

"Thanks, and yes, if you wouldn't mind."

"Not at all. Love that boy as if he were my own." Rachel went back to the kitchen, and Cas looked over at Dean, and felt his skin warm with anticipation. A whole week. Just them. Alone.

Dean likewise looked at Cas with lust, and didn't that look make Cas even hotter?

…

Cas held onto Dean, not letting him get out of bed, even though the sun was up, and Dean was complaining about morning chores before work. Not that he was fighting too hard to free himself. They lay, tangled in each other's arms. Legs tangled, faces close together, with the occasional kiss.

"I see you," Cas said. The words meaning more to them then 'I love you.'

"Forever and always," Dean replied, kissing the tip of Cas' nose. Dean started to hum that familiar tune. The one he had made up years ago. More with the kissing.

"I miss this," Cas said. More kissing.

"Me too," Dean replied, rolling his hips so his erection rubbed against Cas.

Cas responded with a moan, and soon they were lost in each other for the tenth time in two days. Not that either of them minded. They were making the best of this time. Cas was a little sore from the days activities, not that he minded. They made love, slow and sweet, but they also went at it, hard and fast. Either way was perfect to Cas. These past two days were way past due, and very mush so needed.

"Okay," Dean said a little later. "I've really got to get up. I can't be late for work. Again."

Cas groaned in protest, but let go of his lover. At least he got a show as Dean dressed for the day. Those muscles rippling as he moved a shifted. "I will make breakfast," Cas told Dean, as he climbed out of bed.

Dean looked over him with eyes that made him shiver. "Jesus, when you look at me like that, how am I supposed to get things done?"

Dean laughed, the sound deep in his throat. "You going to town today? That letter from the university has got to be here any day now."

Cas nodded. He had been trying to get this job for a couple years now. He liked being a teacher of the children, but being a professor of a university was better pay, and it would put his own mind back to work. He liked mental challenges. He wasn't, however, looking forward to only getting home on the weekends. He hardly got enough time with Dean as was.

"Okay," Dean said, giving Cas a kiss before leaving the house. Cas smiled to himself as he went about starting toast.

Cas brought breakfast out to Dean, and they ate on the floor of the barn. Their conversation light. Just talking about things that needed to be done, and everyday things. Cas felt at home, sitting here on the barn floor, eating toast with Dean, and looking into those green eyes.

After breakfast, Cas couldn't help himself as he stood, pulling Dean up to him, and holding his lover close as they kissed. There was nothing sweeter than the feel of Dean's kiss. The taste of his hot breath. The feel of his hands. Nothing better than these moments.

"Fags!" a voice said from behind Cas. He and Dean pulled apart so quickly, then both frozen in shock.

"Nasty! Sinful! You were my daughter's husband!" Caroline's father was outraged, and as he lunged forward, Dean pushed Cas out of the way, taking the full force of the man. Dean was thrown back, and lost his balance, as he took a fist to the face.

"The whole town will hear of your sins! You will be beaten for your transgressions! You are evil in the eyes of god!" Mr. Johnson hollered Dean nailed the guy in the stomach, momentarily knocking the breath out of him.

"I will ask he be put to death! As punishment of your actions! My daughters husband a fag!"

The look on Dean's face was a look Cas would never forget. "NO!" Dean shouted, knocking Mr. Johnson to the ground. He punch him a few times before his hands found Mr. Johnson's neck. The guys struggled under Dean. Trying to stop the him.

Cas wanted to look away, but couldn't. He felt sick with what was happening. What happened next was so fast, Cas couldn't stop it. Mr. Johnson found one of the knifes Dean used, and jabbed in into Deans side. Cas heart fell as he shouted, but it was too late. The knife was deep in Dean.

"Dean!" Cas shouted.

Dean pulled the knife from his side, looking pale. "You will not kill Cas," Dean said, using the last of his strength to put the wood into Mr. Johnson's abdomen, stilling the man. Dean fell back at this point, blood staining his shirt, and the floor beneath him.

"No!" Cas cried as he fell to Dean's side, and pulled him into his lap. "Dean," Cas said, pressing his lips to his head. Oh god no.

Dean let out shuttering breaths, and Cas knew he was going to die. "Please don't go. I can't live without you. Please stay with me," Cas begged, tears blurring his vision and thickening his voice.

"C…Cas." Cas forced his eyes to focus on Dean. "My…Son. Take care of."

Cas couldn't hold back the sob, and it echoed in the barn. "I will. I promise. He will be as my own."

Dean's mouth moved up in down as if he were trying to form words. "Shh," Cas said, kissing Dean, and crying harder when Dean kissed him back. "Don't speak. I've got you."

"Talk to me, let me hear your voice…Tell me something good," Dean said, his tone barely a whisper.

"In our next life, we will be together. We will live together, and even get married. I will have to ask you because you will take too long to ask me," Cas said, repeating words Dean had once said to him, while adding things of his own. "We will hold hands no matter who's around, and make love whenever we want. I will cook your favorite meals, and you will bring me home wild flowers because you know they are my favorite," His voice cracked as he struggled to go on. "We will adopt children, and have a family of our own. You will have me, and I will have you, and our children will have us. In our next life, we will get to live." Cas had to stop, because he couldn't speak any further.

"I see you," Dean managed to get out. "In this life and the next…I" Dean coughed, and the blood that came out alarmed Cas. God, he was really dying. "I will find you…You are my heart."

Cas nodded. "And you are my sou. I see you. Forever and always." Cas cried again, and almost laughed as Dean shushed him. Dean's hand found his cheek and Cas held it there. "How am I supposed to live without you? I don't want to live without you." Cas whispered in a panic.

"I will never leave you," Dean replied, and then did the most amazing thing. He hummed their song, making Cas cry harder. The humming wasn't as beautiful as it once had been, but it meant everything to him. Soon the humming stopped, and Dean went limp in Cas' arms.

"No! no. no. no. no." Cas cried, feeling chocked by the lump in his throat. "Oh god. Please! No! Dean!" Cas let out a cry that didn't even sound human. "I will find you." Cas said in between sobs. "I see you. I see you. I see you." He said the words over and over, because he didn't know what else to do. He said them until his throat grew horse. He said them until he felt numb from sitting in the same position for too long. Even as he went silent, and his eyes ran out of tears he thought the words. I see you. In this life and the next.

* * *

 **Present**

Dean opened the door to his home, joy filling his chest. How could it not when he had the best news to tell his love? "Babe?" Dean called out as he closed the door behind him.

"Cooking?" Cas called out. He looked at Dean over his shoulder, and smiled broadly because Dean brought him home wild flowers.

Dean gave Cas the flowers, before hugging him close. "Smells amazing," Dean informed him. "The food smells pretty good too," Dean added, making Cas blush.

"Stop," Cas said. Swatting at Dean playfully. He grabbed down a vase, and filled it with water. "So, what's the occasion?" Cas asked, as he put the flowers in water.

"I can't bring home flowers to my husband without needing a reason," Dean countered.

"Yes, you can," Cas said, turning to him. It's the three roses that gives me pause. The last time you bought me roses it was to tell me about the land you bought, and the time before that was to inform me you wanted to start making blueprints for this house." Cas motioned around him to make a point. "Roses means something big. Always have."

"Dean's smile somehow seemed to grow. She chose us," Dean said, beaming.

Cas dropped the spoon he had picked up. "She…She chose us? Were…Were going to have a baby?"

Dean smiled. "Were going to have a baby!" Dean confirmed.

Cas jumped excitedly where he stood. "Were going to be dads!" He threw himself at Dean, kissing him deeply.

"I See you," Dean said, unsure why he did. It was an odd thing to say, but it just slipped out.

Cas laughed. "I see you too."

They kissed again, before Dean pulled away. "Who would have thought I would fall in love, and have a life with the man of my dreams?"

"I knew I loved the man of mine the moment he said, 'you drew me,' in that surprised, but sexily deep voice."

They both laughed, and held each other again. "I can't believe we are going to be dads!" Cas exclaimed. He shook his head, feeling so completely overjoyed. How had he become so lucky to have a life as full as his? "Thank you for finding me," Cas whispered.

Dean kissed Cas' forehead. "I will always find you. In this life, and the next," he said softly, his lips still against Cas' forehead. "You are my heart," Dean said, unable to keep the thought to himself.

Cas smiled into Deans chest. "And you are my soul."

...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _ **The End~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

 **I hope you have all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and Comments are appreciated. Thanks :D**


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